Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize