i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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