dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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