Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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