who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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