It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
