im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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