Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
