Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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