If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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