i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
