I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
