just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
