I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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