you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
