oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
