When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
