ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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