why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
