One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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