Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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