Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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