Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
