How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
