Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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