After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize