I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
