i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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