ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
and you said cock pushups were impossible
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Randomize
