plz talk dirty to me
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
