youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
