I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
