My cat gives me a boner
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize