I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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