now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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