Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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