dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So squirting runs in the family.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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