for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
