I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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