also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
