I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
