You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize