One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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