I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
