Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
