I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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