Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
