My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
