those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
