i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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