i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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