What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Bring me that man meat
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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