We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
