He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
