It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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