oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
