Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
