Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
