This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
