nut hugger
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
