my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
