Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
