You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
