1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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