I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i think my mom watched the whole time
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You are a genius and a whore.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
