I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
