i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
