why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize