i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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