Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
